Laughing At Grumpy Cleveland Browns Fans Is Easy.


Posted on 12th October 2009 by Ben Krasner in Day to Day Goodies | Sports Commentary


Before I go any farther, I just have to open and honest … I really can’t stand anything about the Browns. When we moved into Cleveland many moons ago I was without a pro football team. I had followed and cheered for the Lions as a kid but the lack of performance and the lack of any bonafide star players to connect with since Barry retired has made that an impossible option. I’ve also always been a college football fan much moreso than a fan of the NFL game. So, thinking it wouldn’t be bad to adopt an NFL team and having just moved to this supposed football Mecca of Cleveland, why not adopt the browns?

I’ve covered this before on many a blog post and forum thread so I don’t want to go into the lengthy topic that this can be, but let me just say that the Browns as a team, fanbase and organization have easily been as disappointing as any that I’ve heard of in a world that loves to bitch about any company at any time. Performance on the field can’t significantly outshine even the Lions, the organization can’t figure out how lead themselves let alone pick a leader for the team, and watching or following the browns is just flat out a miserable experience. The game environment is so boring and the stadium is just filled with anticipation … of failure. The uniforms are as dull and uninspiring as you can get and the color scheme is just awful – Jesus Christ is that really BROWN and white that dominates your uniform? But by far the worst part of the gig is the fans. By themselves they crush any possible hope of enjoying watching or following the team.

If you go to a game, Be prepared to sit by ‘fans’ dressed in gear from head to toe who show their love for their team by booing them at the top of their lungs when the opening possession for the Browns’ offense doesn’t prove successful. “Successful, by the way, can only mean scoring points according to those dressed like muddy pumpkins. These ‘fans’ will then proceed to try to predict when the coaches will call running plays, and they do this all game long. Because, you see, running the ball is dumb. No, it doesn’t matter that the situation at hand dictated that a running play be called upon… no no. “That’s dumb!”. Perhaps my two favorite Cleveland Brown fan features, though, are (1) the eternal inbred belief that, no matter what, the Browns are still better than you and (2) the incorrect assignment of blame upon any “unsuccessful” play attempt, game or team situation.

A very loudly spoken conversation I got the privilege of sitting next to during lunch today illustrates both of these faults perfectly. The opening statement, made before the two guys even sat down was, “Hey did you see that game yesterday… the 49ers game?” (the Atlanta Falcons played at the 49ers yesterday). “Oh my god … I thought the Browns were bad, the 49ers … oh they are worse!” You see, it’s not how bad the Browns are that matters to the fan it’s the ability to manufacture the opportunity to call out someone else as being worse.  It’s an endearing quality, really, especially when you consider that entering play on Sunday the Browns were 0-4 and still looking to understand what exactly it means to score touchdowns or to get more than 4 first downs in a quarter.  Nevermind that the 49ers were playing well and held a 3-1 record and heading into a really difficult stretch of their schedule.  The only point that matters is, to the Cleveland Brown’s fan, San Francisco played poorly on Sunday and that gave him just enough room to argue that the 49ers are worse than the Browns.  On a personal note, I think I’ll take the team averaging 22.4 points a game over the team averaging 11 points a game just about any day of the week.  Alas, this point is moot as the two teams don’t play this year.  I wonder if the Cleveland fan knew either of those points?

Now, if that were the only fault, I could live with “fan speak”.  Any fan has license to at least try to play the “My team’s better than yours!” card, but you simply have to know what you’re talking about when you emphatically put “facts” out there or give accounts of a game.  I’m not saying you have to be perfect or have some matching singular notion of what you believe happened during a period of time, but I am saying that facts are facts, left is left, and scores are scores.  For example, when you say things like, “They wore orange helmets again and they always seem to lose when they wear those orange helmets…” I can live with that.  The helmets, after all, are orange and when you qualify your statement with “they always seem to…” now we can agree there’s some wiggle room to the statement.  The problem is most Browns fans don’t qualify their statements like that, and this lunch time conversation was yet another classic example of this endless spew.  Today’s topics were oldies but goodies… how the Browns “always run up the middle” and “never pass”.

There was only one NFL game on TV in the Cleveland market, on Sunday, and so I had the misfortune of sitting and watching one of the worst played football games I can ever remember taking in.  In the game against the Buffalo Bills – easily an equal in the dredges of NFL quality teams this season, mostly because of a putrid offense – the Browns clearly felt the way to make hay against the Bills was to run the football.  This could possibly have been because they had just reorganized their passing attack by trading away Braylon Edwards and were now having to rely on a rookie, a new-this-week guy, and an undersized possession receiver, but it could also have something to do with the fact that the Buffalo Bills have one of the better pass defenses in the league.  Neither of those points were brought up by the fan as he bitched to his fellow fan, nor were those points brought up in response.  Instead, it was teamwork reinforcement of the belief that all the Browns did on Sunday was run up the middle and that they never threw the ball.  One look at the game stats would tell a different story AND, if they had actually watched the game and have been interested in absorbing what was happening, rather than just harvesting vitriol in their minds, they would have seen that there was a passing game present that was absolutely ineffective (Cleveland and Derrick Anderson were 2-17… that’s TWO of 17, for 23 yards.  23 yards passing.  In a game;  a full game.  Two completions.  On the flip side, that running game that “always goes up the middle” produced 171 yards.  And the amazing thing is it did so because it attacked the weak spots on the Buffalo defensive line – the ends. Yet, all of this somehow goes completely unnoticed because the fans don’t see what they want to see.

You see, what constitutes success is largely determined by the fans of any sports program;  I get that. But you are really asking for it when the uninformed, ignorant and depressed are the ones setting the standard.  When every run that doesn’t get 4 or more yards is seen as “running it up the middle” or when passing attempts that are not completed are not counted as passing plays, you’re talking about fans who just don’t understand the game.  If those that don’t understand are setting the standard, it makes for a nightmare.  And that’s exactly what Cleveland has on it’s hands in the Browns.  Where are the good fans?  If you’re out there, let your voices be heard!  Drown out these buffoons who make a trip to Cleveland Browns Stadium such a predictable and unsatisfying venture.

My last item, here:  Supposedly, only Braylon Edwards dropped passes while he was on the Browns’ roster.  And, to be clear, he supposedly dropped everything thrown to him and all of the footballs thrown at him were perfect passes.  Yet, on Sunday, different Browns receivers dropped at least 5 balls that I remember – interesting.  I also seem to remember all but 1 of those passes from Derrick Anderson being in a terrible position for the receiver to make a play on the ball – provacative.  Learn the game, Cleveland Browns fans.  Start with the rules of the game and the penalties/infractions that are often called during it (focus on the illegal contact and pass interference penalties, since they get you so upset all the time).  There’s enough research to get done there that it should keep you guys quiet for a few games.

  1. Alice says:

    When I originally commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get four emails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove me from that service? – Thanks

    12th October 2009 at 3:01 am

  2. Ben Krasner says:

    The only way for me to make a change like that, I believe, is if you have actually signed up as a user on the blog. Otherwise, it’s probably only a database setting on the thread that I can’t edit.

    12th October 2009 at 5:06 pm

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